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What A Change This Year Has Been
Wow, 2011 is coming to an end....it seems it blew past so fast. Every day that passes I can still find a reason to smile even when I'm crying and want to frown. You don't hear Me complain much but there's been so much going on in My life the last 2 years. 2010 was a year FULL of adversity for Me and 2011 has been a year full of unexpectedness and dealing with constant changes because of the after effects of situation I was in or choices I made in 2010. This year is the FIRST year I can remember thinking at the end of he year, "Damn this was a good year and Hallelujah I made it through. Normally I'm like "Thank God this year is over, I hope next year is better." I mean, I still hope that next year is a more productive and profitable year BUT honestly if 2012 mimics 2011 I will be satisfied. God has been good to Me.
As I sit here and type this and bring you deeper into the woman behind the Sapphire image I am welcoming you wholeheartedly to delve into Me as far as you think you can handle because I'm so much more than your fantasy chick. I keep thinking about this time last year, I was stressed out. A fan/friend I met on facebook invited Me to join him on a trip to Florida; he flew in from New York and flew Me in from Baltimore. we spent 4 days in December in South Beach, I, laying poolside and exploring the majority of the time.
I had a lot on My mind, I kept trying to wrap My head around the fact that I was dead broke but laying up in the Fountain Blue, one of South Beach's poshest resorts. I had been so ill and in so much pain at home and wants able to do any kind of work to make money, Christmas was a week away and I hadn't done any shopping for My sons' Christmas. In previous years I started dancing at private parties and even doing full service fun with certain people ( escorting) but in December 2010 I had been recently baptized and joined My church. I had promised Myself and God that My days of selling My body, even if it was only once a year, was over. A fan/friend came through for Me however and sent Me the $200 to buy My sons' Kinnect for his xbox360 and with that and all the gifts My parents got him he had a great Christmas. talk about the goodness and mercy of God huh.
What most people don't know about Me from My work, is that I was suffering in physical n emotional pain ALMOST every day. 2010 was a rough year for Me because My health had really started a downward spiral. My emotional and mental issues had worsened as well. I applied for My disability/ssi funds at the young age of 29. I couldn't work as diligently or as often as I'd like because I was constantly in so much pain. My sex life became pretty non existent; I don't know if I had totally lost My sex drive due to My clinical depression, the multiple pills I take a day (currently 14) or even the side effects of the medicine.
With My being single,reluctant to date new people for fear of them just trying to bed Sexy Sapphire, determination to never sleep with someone on cam that I was not in a stable long term relationship with and My lacking sex drive I knew that My days of being hardcore were over. I announced in late 2010 that I would NOT be filming any more blow job and sex videos. From 2011 on I would only be filming masturbation and fetish work, not only for My site but any other site who wanted to feature Me. It was a time of change in My life for sure.
Honestly, I was scared shitless, yes I was a model who was very popular online and I was an amateur starlet with such a large online networking base BUT I was also petite, standing only 5'0" and weighing in at 100 lbs. My stats were an unimpressive 34c-25-36 and I was lumped in with many many other up and coming starlets and models. At this point I wasn't making any kind of good money, I was unable to go out and work due to My arthritis and fibromyalgia and My chronic pain.I HAD to apply for social services benefits because i had started My disability claim and had to be able to show how I was making it through with no real income.
While dealing with being broke, sick, unable to work and more I was also daily facing one of the biggest changes of My adult life. I moved out of My parents home at age 19 and never considered going back, even when I have been one footstep away from homeless. starting in May 2007 I had been living with a great friend and benefactor of Mine, I paid no rent or bills other than My cell phone bill, My meals were mainly prepared for Me and My company and in general brought up to me in bed. this relationship with My benefactor was a non sexual relationship, though I'm sure he was attracted to Me, he unlike so many men I met, understood My need for safety, security, someone I could trust and other things that made sex obsolete to Me.Of course though, his neighbors and even family whispered about it behind our backs, no one wanted to believe that a man could or would live with a woman 30 years her junior and there NOT be a sexual relationship.People just wanted to believe there was a scandal involved.
So anyway on My birthday in 2009 (august 18) My friend walked in while I was hanging with My ex girlfriend ( then currently Saxxx) in My bedroom an announced he was moving out because one of us had to and it was easier for him. He was under pressure by his family to remove Me from the family home. I, being the friend I am, started looking for a new place; I had initially been practically begged by an older woman across the street that I had become friendly with, to move in with her. She assure Me My privacy wouldn't be an issue nor would some other minute things.
Within 2 months I was miserable and spiraling back into My depression. I started locking Myself in My bedroom.. The atmosphere had changed that quickly in short months that I felt that after knowing this woman and trying to live with her that I was living with an insane person or the devil himself. I packed a bag for a week and stayed back at my friends house. When My money came in the next week, instead of paying rent to rent the room i was renting from her I wanted to rent a truck and remove My stuff. After having the police meet Me there because she was refusing to let Me bring people in to move My stuff out, she refused to let My movers in therefor we could only move in that I could get down the steps and to the door so they could load it in truck. I made sure I got all My important paperwork and all My clothes and shoes. Eventually I had to leave My stereo system and full bedroom set there and was denied access to retrieve it.
After that debacle of moving out I stayed at My friends' house for another month or so looking for a place. I had way to hard a time trying to find a place with My limited income and the small pittance I received from social services. As much as I hated the idea of a having roommates I realized realistically that unless I wanted to go back home to My parents house. Without My friends' home and My refusal to go home then I'd have to share a home with someone. I spent the time from March 2010 until august 2011 living in a boarding house, with multiple roommates, sadly for Me, ever changing room mates. One thing that maintained the time I stayed there though is the fact that I was the only female in the home.
Sharing a home with strangers and male strangers at that was never easy on Me. Emotionally and mentally disturbed I do not handle change well. I spent the majority of My time in My bedroom with the door closed. My bedroom was the only place I had privacy and I treated it like My self imposed prison cell. I had lost everything and was definitely losing My mind too. I found Myself in constant battles. I argued with My roommates about leaving the bathroom and kitchen trifling, fussed about the company and criminal element being brought into the house.
I constantly found Myself complaining to My landlords that one of My roommates had started doing drugs and in tun had stated smoking crack in the house and he was letting his drug dealing friends sell out of our home. I REFUSED ADAMANTLY to live in a drug house and started taking action. In 2010 I lived day to day wondering if I would be attacked or attack someone Myself. I had taken to carrying mace in My jacket pocket and My butterfly knife in My bra and I was always itching to use them.
Now that 2011 is coming to an end I look back and smile. I've had My ups and down this year but hey that's life. What I CAN'T tell you is what the worst thing to happen to Me this year was, I don't remember any one specific event where I felt like I'd lost all or that I was in a position I couldn't fix. If I'd had to pick any one thing it would be a combination of the issues i have had to deal with in church since July of 2010. Someone found out what I do for a living and has spread info about My job around church and even started bothering Me at home anonymously through my website.
I tried very hard to ignore some things, to turn the other cheek, to pray on situations instead of making rash decisions. I have heard the voice of god whispering in My ear though. He tells Me to not walk away, to continue to fight for all of those who can't and/or won't. He tells Me He didn't bring me into THAT particular change to see change needed and walk away. He spoke to Me clearly and said, "Melony if you wont stand up for what's right then who will?"
Fast forward to current time, late 2011, we are ushering in a new year in less that 12 days. I reflect back over this year ....2011.....and know that the Lord is blessing Me daily. In January My disability was approved, unlike people I know with severe physical ailments and even those who like Me, were clinically depressed had a hard time being labeled as disabled and collecting disability or ssi.
I was told in a letter however that I wouldn't have to see any extra dr.'s or fill out any extra paperwork but I shouldn't expect to see a check until mid October. The next letter I pulled out of My mail box was a letter from social services saying because of My SSI approval I would NOT receive any funds or food stamps for the month. I almost broke down in tears in the post office because I had been so so sick. I was a month behind in My rent and now scared because I didn't know how long My landlord would hold out before filing for My eviction. I stayed in constant contact with them letting them know the status of My case. To My shock and joy, the next thing I pulled out My p.o box looked like a check and it was, for $3,500 back pay. I started screaming and shouting n praising God right there in the middle of the post office because I had went from trying to figure out how to feed My son until mid month to not having a real care in the world. God had come through and kept His promise as well. Things were going to be alright.
2011 is almost over now and I flashback to this time last year and smile hard because this year I got everything on My son's Christmas wishlist except his psp which I plan to buy this week. God blessed Me truly. He also blessed Me enough this year that I bought 4 gifts a piece for 2 little girls I adopted at church. On Thanksgiving this year, after dinner at My parents house I came home and picked up 5 or 6 coats that I had put aside for a family in need. It made My day to deliver those coats on such a great day of thanks.
This year has been so different for Me, I can't wait to see whats in store for Me in 2012. Oh yea I had a new interview drop yesterday. Check it out HERE
Posted by SAPPHIRETHESEXYONE at 12/21/2011 7:20 PM 
Categories: Pictures, Blogs, interviews, Updates
Tags: blogs updates photos
Categories: Pictures, Blogs, interviews, Updates
Tags: blogs updates photos
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